(S05E07) Wow, this season’s designers are an emotional little bunch, aren’t they? There’s a lot of whining, a lot of complaining, a lot of talking behind each others’ backs. These kids make me feel like I’m in high school all over again, except everyone is somehow even more poorly dressed and misinformed about aesthetics. The designers also seem increasingly insecure about their own work and this challenge did their fragile states no favors. Charged with the mission to grab materials from cars and make something wearable, you’d probably get a little grumpy too.

Season Three’s Laura Bennett stopped by to fill in for Nina Garcia. Yes, one week without Nina! The designers must have been relieved. Rachel Zoe also played guest judge. Follow along by checking out the designs on Bravo’s site.

Blayne: Will it ever end? I had my fingers crossed when I saw his model walk out in an outfit holding phantom boobies. Alas, he was a the top of the bottom three and he stayed. Damn. Also, was Heidi right about the broken mirror meaning seven years of no sex? I thought it just meant general bad luck. Perhaps Heidi’s idea of bad luck is just no sex.

Jerell: In this episode, Jerell threw out one of a rare quotable comment. “She’s got two faces and four patterns.” Boom! Burn! Sass! It’s lines like that and Terri’s out-of-nowhere “I ain’t got no babies, ain’t nobody sucking on my titties” from a few episodes ago that truly shine. Blayne and Suede’s desperate attempts to creating a new “fierce” just look extra-sad in comparison. Anyway, Jerell did a surprisingly good job. I think most of the effect was carried by his solid choices in make-up and hair styling, though.

Joe: Joe really lucked out by having immunity this week. He had the opportunity to get really crazy with such a difficult material, and I felt like he didn’t take advantage of this.

Keith: [AUF'D] His outfit was pretty boring, but it didn’t deserve sending him home. I think he just sealed his fate by mouthing off on the runway, though. Has he learned nothing? There’s no point in mouthing off to the judges. They don’t care. When has a designer ever changed the minds of the judges by complaining? Doing so just wastes time that could have been spent pointing out the solid, well-considered parts of one’s garment. But I guess Keith was too caught up in his own frustration to think clearly. His clean-up farewell was a bit heartbreaking though, I’ll give him that.

Kenley: I really don’t care for Kenley. At least she didn’t bust out her attitude this week. I applaud her for doing what most designers haven’t done, which is customize fabrics/materials with her own images, but the overall silhouette and design wasn’t so exciting. I hope that one day Project Runway will get a really amazing illustrator-type who will customize their own materials. Just think, like, James Jean’s Prada goods.

Korto: This was a beautiful use of the seatbelt texture. Korto always delivers interesting work. Now, if only we could get her to stop looking like she’s about deliver a final death stare all the time, she’d be fine.

Leanne: [WINNER] This was just an all-around great outfit. I can’t imagine anyone ever wearing it, but it was definitely a great visual piece and a beautiful use of materials. I especially liked the ruffly seatbelt bits along the top. It was also refreshing to see something without a crazy high collar from Leanne.

Stella: [ALMOST AUF'D] Poor Stella suffered from the same situation as Keith. She tried to stray from her usual style and it almost cost her. I hope she doesn’t get discouraged, because blending a hard, metal look with soft femininity is a really tough thing to do. If she manages to pull that off, she’ll be an incredibly hot designer.

Suede: I heard him use “Suede” once. God, I we’re so close to him kicking that habit, I can feel it. Or maybe that’s just my desperation translating to optimism. His creation this week was okay. It was super-shiny, but pretty boring in terms of shape and originality.

Terri: This was pretty interesting. It carried the “hard” look of working with car parts, but it didn’t look like it had been ripped out of a Saturn.

It looks like HBO is just TV after all. After airing such intense fare as The Sopranos and Carnivalé, the new head of production, Sue Naegle (or at least that’s my guess on who pulled the plug based on the quotes) is pulling the plug on the in development HBO adaptation of DC/Vertigo’s Preacher. The Garth Ennis-Steve Dillon comic book series was controversial for its intense violence and handling of religious subjects, but it was also a huge sales and critical hit.

There was talk of adapting the series with each episode comprising exactly one comic issue. Dialogue was lifted almost exactly from the book with the comic art used as the storyboard. Fans were incredibly enthusiastic about it, but “the new head of HBO felt it was just too dark and too violent and too controversial,” according to Mark Steven Johnson (Daredevil, Ghost Rider). Naegle loves In Treatment, Big Love and Tell Me You Love Me, so that tells you where here tastes lie. These aren’t bad shows but they’re also not going to jump out and grab headlines, and headlines are exactly what HBO needs for its original series.

Fear not, though, faithful Preacher fans. While the project is apparently dead at HBO, it may yet live on. “I’ve heard someone is in the process of getting the rights to turn it into a feature film,” said Johnson. “I hope that happens. But I hope it happens as a series of movies as one movie couldn’t do it justice. I really love that story and I dedicated a lot of my time to honor Garth’s work. But it wasn’t meant to be.” Johnson is right that it would be a complete disaster to try and compact the saga of Preacher into just one film.

But you know, as good as a series of films could be I don’t think it would be as good as a HBO level series production. The added time and pacing that a weekly series allows would let the story unfold in much the same way it did as a comic book. We wouldn’t have to sacrifice any of those important character moments that made the series such an intense and personal experience. As much fun as the plots themselves were, it was those moments between Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy that really made it such a success.

This is Spoilers Anonymous, a weekly column here at TV Squad where we’ll supply you with the dirt on some of the more popular shows on the air. We’ll never put spoilers up here on the main page in order to help the reformed stay unspoiled. If you have anything to add to the group, feel free to step up and let yourself be heard, either with our tips form or by emailing us at tvsquad at

This week we have: Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl, Heroes, How I Met Your Mother, One Tree Hill, Smallville and The Office. (SPOILERS FOLLOW!)

Desperate Housewives

• Susan may be living with Jackson but she and Mike are still married. McCluskey thinks that someone is trying to kill her. [Source: Watch with Kristin]
  
• Tom’s life will be put in grave danger when he is electrocuted while working on the restaurant’s electric panel. [Source: TV Squad]
  

Gossip Girl

• Vanessa will hook up with an older man. Nate will get a loan from a new friend. Chuck will swap spit with an Upper East Site lady. [Source: Watch with Kristin]
  
• Serena will get a new love interest that is loosely based on Gossip Girl books’ character Aaron Rose. [Source: Ausiello Files]
  
• New recurring character Poppy, to be introduced around episode 5, befriends Serena and tells her to stop living for Blair. [Source: TV Squad]
  

Heroes

• The mother of Sylar’s 4-year-old son Noah is alive. Nathan and Peter will find out they have two other relatives they didn’t know about. [Source: Watch with Kristin]
  

How I Met Your Mother

• In episode four, Stella’s sister Nora is set to wed. But when her fiancé leaves her at the altar, Ted and Stella use Nora’s wedding arrangements to carry off their own nuptials. [Source: Watch with Kristin]
  

One Tree Hill

• Quentin gets in trouble early on this season. Hailey, Skills and Lucas try to help him out, which will lead to Lucas being suspended. Nathan tries to get back in the game and is offered a surprising job. Jamie is bullied. Gigi resurfaces. Hailey and Brooke try to help new teen on the block Samantha. Skills and Deb will kiss. Someone will die early on the season. [Source: TV Squad]
  

Saving Grace

• Grace tries to get inside the killer’s head when she is handed her first serial killer’s case. [Source: TV Squad]
  

Smallville

• There will definitely be a Chloe-Jimmy wedding, but that it does not go according to plan. Clark will seek out trouble instead of reacting to trouble when it happens. When Jimmy starts connecting some dots, Clark will think about having a secret identity. Clark will finally get past his relationship with Lana. Clark will be seduced by intergalactic Goddess Maxima. Lex will not show up at all this season. The Legion of Superheroes will show up for an episode in which future Superman sends Saturn Girl, Cosmic Boy and Lightning Lad back in the past to help make things right. [Source: Watch with Kristin]
  
• At some point within the first seven episodes, Lana will confess her love for Clark. [Source: Ausiello Files]
  

The Office

• In the beginning of the season, Pam is away at art schoo, she’s living in New York, and there is a whole new world opening up for her. It’s a three-month program at the school, and Pam’s really loving living in New York. It is unknown if she’ll return at Dunder Mifflin once she completed her studies. Jim and Pam have a lot of phone time. [Source: Watch with Kristin]
  

Why do college students get all the breaks? It looks like Fox will be offering the premieres of both Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and J.J. Abrams’ Fringe at fox.com
for those with a .edu e-mail address. They will also offer some behind-the-scenes footage, music videos and interviews.

This is a clever marketing ploy by Fox. The demographic for those shows definitely leans towards the young, and since college students are more exposed to computers than anybody I know who doesn’t work in the industry (and are probably more used to watching stuff online rather than on the television), the idea has definite appeal.

Mind you, such systems can be fooled, particularly if you have a friend or relative with a .edu address (or so I’ve heard). With that in mind, I don’t understand why Fox wouldn’t just offer this to everybody. I can only guess that it’s a way for Fox to control illegal downloading of these highly anticipated shows.

In one of the most unsurprising news of the day, NBC announces that it is renewing America’s Got Talent for a fourth season. The “greatest show in the world,” as host Jerry Springer says, is the most-watched summer show so it’s no wonder the network wants to continue the adventure and make more money in the process.

Even if millions of viewers watch America’s Got Talent weekly, it doesn’t mean they are not tired of of some aspects of the show. Some changes are needed if the producers and the network want to score the same ratings next season and maybe bring on new viewers. Here are some of my suggestions:

• Change the host. Jerry Springer reads the teleprompter way too much. Also, his interactions with the contestants are sometimes painful to watch because Springer doesn’t know what to tell them or how to act around them.
  
• Change at least one of the judges or add a fourth one. The show already changed one of the judges in the past so we know they can do it. Adding a fourth judge wouldn’t be original since American Idol is doing it next season. However, both options offer some needed freshness to the judges panel. Aren’t you tired of hearing the same comments over and over again?
  
• Stop having the acts you (aka the producers) want us to vote for perform last. We get it, they have touching stories and amazing voices but can’t you let us come to the conclusion that they should move on further in the competition on our own?
  
• Cut down the number of audition episodes. I, for one, love the audition process. It’s the only part of shows like American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance I watch. But there were way too many episodes spent on auditions this summer. If producers want to have the same number of episodes, how about showing us a little bit more of Vegas Week?
  
• Live shows are not your friends unless you actually know how to produce a live show. The last two live shows were painful to watch because of the poor editing/lighting/audio and cuts between the shots, just to name a few flaws. If producers can’t find the proper staff to produce live shows, maybe it’s time to turn to pre-recorder “live” shows. We will still watch AGT and vote even if the performance shows are taped the day before (or earlier the morning the episodes air).
  

Do you agree with my suggestions to improve the show? If you were one of AGT’s producers, what would you do to improve the show and ensure that it stays the “greatest show in the world”? Let your voice be heard in comments below.

The third most important story in the Entertainment section of my news page this morning is this: which stars are going to present awards at this year’s Emmy Awards ceremony (September 21 on ABC). And to that I say a big … who cares?

Every year, in the weeks leading up to the Emmys, we hear about which stars are going to present awards. I’ve always found it odd because the people they say are going to present are, you know, TV stars. Seriously, this is the Emmy Awards, and like the Oscars or the Grammys, I expect the people who have something to do with television (maybe the people who actually star on the shows!) to either present awards, introduce segments of the show, or even host. Yeah, it’s mildly interesting that William Petersen and Laurence Fishburne will present an award together, since Fishburne is taking over for Petersen on CSI, but it’s not that big of a deal. And it’s certainly not a big deal that America Fererra and Vanessa Williams are going to present an award or that Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Hugh Laurie are going to present awards - separately. I would assume that these current TV stars will be involved in some way, but even if they aren’t, why is it news?

I mean, someone has to present the awards. If John McCain or Barack Obama present awards, I guess that will be news. If Kate & Allie stars Jane Curtin and Susan Saint James are going to present an award together and announce a reunion movie, that would be news. Or if Abbott & Costello rise from the grave to give a lifetime achievement award to someone else who is dead, maybe Rod Serling, then that would be news. But if Tina Fey is going to be there, I already know that and it’s not news.

Several billion years ago, give or take a few billion, a few neutrons decided to get together with a few protons and form what has been called the Big Bang, which pretty much started the universe as we know it. As things cooled down stars, galaxies, and planets were born. On the planet we know as Earth some primordial ooze became cozyu with their amino acid friends, creating the baseline needed for life. At about that same time this season of America’s Got Talent
premiered aired on NBC.

Okay, I may be exaggerating a bit here, and my science may be slightly off, but it does seem to me that AGT has been on the schedule a bit too long. Premiering on June 17th, most of the shows that aired before the Olympic break have been just the tryouts. Only the very end of July and first few weeks in August dealt with the callbacks and elimination of those initially chosen by Piers, Sharon and the Hoff. Finally, we are now into the live competitions and eliminations, which means two nights of AGT a week for the next several weeks. According to the schedule posted at NBC’s media site, that puts the finale of the show around October 1st! Nah, that can’t be right.

Nearly five months seems an incredibly long time, particularly since the other talent-based shows that aired this summer, So You Think You Can Dance? for instance, completed their runs weeks ago. Yes, the Olympics put a hold on AGT, but that still doesn’t account for the duration it took to get to these live elimination rounds. To me, the whole process of getting to this point was, well, pointless.

There are just too many people chosen to go into the callbacks. As the viewing audience, we really only get to see an handful of those performers doing their full acts. In many cases they seem to be aired if they are downright awful or are so heartwarming that their acceptance into the next round is telegraphed by sappy music. Even when we get to the first round of culling we only get to see a few snippets of the performers before judgment is made.

Now, you fans of AGT may be shaking your fists at me right now, exclaiming to the flat screen that Dance and American Idol also have their lengthy weeks of tryouts. This is true but, for some reason, they are more tolerable than those on AGT. Actually, to clarify, the audition episodes for Dance are definitely more interesting. Perhaps it’s the fact they are concentrating on one aspect of talent only and not jumping across the board from singers to dancers to guys who play music with a circular saw on a metal plate attached to their chest.

Plus, for the most part, we get to see the full auditions for the performers on Dance and Idol, which allow the viewer to maintain a closer connection with the candidates as they go through this nerve-wracking process. With more of the emphasis on the auditions rather than the eliminations America’s Got Talent runs the risk of losing viewers, despite its popularity. As has been the case with American Idol, fans tire of the tryout process and want to get right into the competition. That’s where they link up with a favorite or rally against an opponent. The rest of the episodes, many say, are just filler.

Loading up on competition shows in the last half of the season doesn’t help AGT either, particularly when these shows move well into the fall viewing season. Despite the fact American television networks are moving to a year-round schedule viewers still have that mental barrier separating their summer viewing with their fall viewing. With networks like FOX and CW kicking off their new primetime schedules right at Labor Day, AGT runs into a potential wall as the show’s fans move towards their normal viewing habits.

What it comes down to is this: America’s Got Talent needs to thin down a bit. Seven weeks of tryouts is just too long. One month of tryouts, at the most, should be the limit before callbacks and eliminations begin. By doing this, you have a show that can keep the attention of the viewers and, potentially, allow for some breakout stars that can be a benefit for all parties involved with the show. Keep it the length it is right now and the network may be the one that does the eliminating.

Download America’s Got Talent

A roundup of TV people from in front of the camera and behind the scenes who have passed away.

• Jeff MacKay: He was a veteran character actor who you know as Mac from Magnum, P.I. and his role as Bud’s father on JAG. He was also a regular on Tales of the Gold Monkey and Baa Baa Black Sheep and appeared on other shows such as Diagnosis: Murder, Outlaws, Airwolf, The Greatest American Hero, Hardcastle and McCormack, and the original Battlestar Galactica. He also appeared in such movies as All The President’s Men and The Wild,
  Wild West Revisited. He died of liver failure at age 60.
  
• Ruth Cohen: Variety says she appeared in more episodes of Seinfeld than anyone besides the regular cast, and I couldn’t figure out who they were talking about. But Cohen played Ruthie, the cashier at Monk’s, the restaurant the gang hung out in. She also appeared in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and The Golden Girls, among other shows and movies. She died of a heart attack at age 78.
  
• Fred Crane: He’s best known for his role as one of Scarlett O’Hara’s boyfriends in Gone with the Wind, but he also appeared in many TV shows, including Peyton Place, Lawman, Hawaiian Eye, Surfside 6, and General Hospital. He died at age 90.
  
• Geoff Theobald: He directed several game shows over the years, including Let’s Make A Deal, Lingo (80s version), Pitfall, and Windfall. He died at age 74.
  

Oh, boy, I can’t wait! Finally, after all this time we’re going to get to go behind the gates, into the exclusive, much-discussed but rarely filmed Martha Stewart estate. Actually, not the whole estate, but part of it. On her syndicated show, Martha Stewart’s 153-acre Bedford, New York farm will be on display in the season ahead.

When the show returns with new episodes on September 15, Ms. Martha will share all the fun stuff she grows and prunes and plants. You know what this means, don’t you? Compost heap! Seriously, Martha believes in natural recycling.

There will also be her state-of-the-art greenhouses and her extensive flower and vegetable gardens. Over a hundred guests will join Martha on her tour of the farm.

Chances are they’ll we warned to watch their steps, lest they step in something foul. And knowing how testy Martha can be, they better keep their hands in their pockets, too. You know, look but don’t touch.

While the guests will be enjoying the green grass and soaking up the bucolic beauty, they will not be invited inside the manse. Well, they have to save something for next season, don’t they?

In other Martha Stewart Show news, on the food front, chef Emeril Lagasse has been added as a regular contributor, providing his essence and bams with every dish. Emeril, you recall, is now part of Martha’s media empire, so it’s not like he could say no to the boss.

Also, Sarah Carey, host of PBS’s Everyday Food, has been tapped to do a weekly Cooking School segment commencing October 21.

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: I Love Money, Charm School, New York Goes to Hollywood, and The Surreal Life. Basically, I’ll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

This Wednesday let’s do another picture book fairy tale. I’m learning a lot from I Love Money. How about you? After the jump, I have a piece I call “12 Pack’s Destruction, A Tale of Hubris.” I’m not a betting woman, but I don’t think anyone on ILM knows what the term “hubris” means.

12 Pack’s Destruction, A Tale of Hubris

After Megan’s elimination of Rodeo last week, the blondes met to discuss strategy for how to proceed in the game. Megan, subversive as always, wanted to look out for her showmance WhiteBoy. Other topics up for discussion were the Democratic National Convention, Sara Tancredi’s return to Prison Break, and what they would read for next month’s book club.

Brandi C: But I heard The Secret Life of Bees was great.
Pumkin: Brandi, please stop pushing for The Secret Life of Bees. We decided on The Red Tent.

The money grubbers got their call from Craig and headed to the beach for their first big solo competition. They would have to stab each other in the back. Well, they would have to throw these awesome ninja stars at paper mache versions of themselves.

Let’s stop the story briefly and look at the amazing dolls VH1 came up with for the competition. I know, I know. I’ll get to 12 Pack.

First the awesome ninja stars and a safety note. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to let these maniacs throw sharp objects should be fired get a raise.

Now the dummies. There’s our boy 12 Pack. How could they forget his ink? Where’s his black dragon on his bulging bicep? Where are his bulging biceps?

Here’s Megan. The likeness is uncanny, except for the eyes that need to be at least three times smaller.

And then there’s Real who looks like a pirate or Little Richard. I love his doll.

Finally we’ve got WhiteBoy. See how they tried to add his peach fuzz? VH1’s blog said that they made him look like a burn victim.

Okay, back to the story. The Entertainer was the first to go. His amazing summer league softball skills came in handy and he landed a knife in Hoopz. He did a celebratory dance to, er, celebrate.
The Entertainer: Yeah Hoopz! And check out my awesome dance. I saw Michael Flatley do this when I took my mom to see Lord of the Dance on Broadway. Bada Bing!

Next up was Pumkin. She put an ax in WhiteBoy and was promised a “special treat” from The Entertainer. I shudder to think how a “special treat” might materialize.

More people threw axes. Toastee missed several times. WhiteBoy was out first. Megan went against her alliance’s plan much to the shock of both Brandi C. and her nipples.

Nipples: Did you see that? I can’t believe my eyes.
Brandi C.: I know. I’m baffled, girls. Just plain baffled.

In the end, it was our boy 12 Pack, Real, and Toastee. Real put a knife in 12 Pack but it was 12 Pack who decided the next paymaster. His first mistake? Putting a knife in Real and making Toastee, an alcoholic porn star, the paymaster for the night. See, at least 12 Pack knew where Real stood; Real would protect his Stallionaires. But Toastee was a wild card. Still the muscle man opted to give her the win. He was blinded by both his overconfidence and his desire to get WhiteBoy out of the game.

Real: Damn, it’s sunny out today.
12 Pack: I need a pedicure.
Toastee: I’m getting a nice tan here.

12 Pack: Alright I won!
Heather: Yay for us! Carry me off the sand. I’m getting it in my toes.
The Entertainer: Carry me too. *whispers* I love you.

While 12 Pack and his crew were celebrating and forgetting that they DIDN’T win, Megan was scheming with her fellow blondes about how to keep WhiteBoy in the house.

Megan: Here’s the deal. WhiteBoy needs to stay because he’ll protect us. And if he’s still here, the two sides of the house will fight. Then we move in and pick up the pieces.
Brandi C.: I think what you mean is, “I want WhiteBoy to stay because I have weird insecurity issues and he provides a much needed validation.”
Megan: Shut up! God, when are you going to get over the book club thing?

12 Pack thought it best to talk with Toastee. Obviously, she would go along with his plan to eliminate WhiteBoy.

12 Pack: You know, Toastee. With great power comes great responsibility.
Toastee: Is that from a movie?
12 Pack: No, I came up with that myself.

But it was too late for 12 Pack. He should have enlisted his other team members to work on Toastee, promise their allegiance for WhiteBoy’s dismissal. Megan was fast at work. In a short time, the amazon woman arranged a meeting between Pumkin, Toastee and the Stallionaires. Real apologized to Pumkin for threatening her life. WhiteBoy promised Toastee a place in his alliance if she came through at eliminations.

WhiteBoy: Yo, Toastee. I swear on this picture of Peter Gallagher on my arm that I will not come after you, yo.

Toastee: That doesn’t look anything like Peter Gallagher.
WhiteBoy: Yo, it’s from when he had longer hair.

And here’s 12 Pack’s biggest mistake: he agrees to go into the lockbox! The meathead believes that he and Toastee are so close that he can go on the power outing and not be in danger of elimination. Poor 12 Pack. He missed it when his English class read Julius Caesar in high school. He didn’t get the point when he learned about Napoleon in history class either.

12 Pack: I’m going in the box tomorrow. Toastee knows that with great power comes great responsibility.
Megan: I think you may be the stupidest person I have ever met. By the way, is that from a movie?
12 Pack: No, it’s not. But it has a nice ring to it, like it could be.

Now, let’s stop the story once last time to look at pictures of The Entertainer and a Mexican medicine woman.

And one more of The Entertainer falling in love with a turkey…

Sorry, I had to break up the story. It was getting too deep. I needed to have a laugh before I could finish.

Anyway, The Entertainer, WhiteBoy and 12 Pack went on a power outing with Toastee. The guys had their souls cleansed by a Mexican medicine woman then they ate lunch at a nearby restaurant. As far as I can tell, turkey was not on the menu. 12 Pack made one last attempt to solidify his friendship with Toastee.


12 Pack: You complete me, Toastee.
Toastee: I think that came from a movie.
12 Pack: No, it came from my heart.

Despite putting his neck on the line, promising his allegiance, and professing his love, 12 Pack was still in danger of going home. He could have used that $250,000 for his clothing line.
At eliminations, the three guys came in their Sunday bests. WhiteBoy, in a t-shirt that both remembered his comrade and reiterated how he lives the life of a thug. The Entertainer, thankful that his mother remembered to press his Tony Soprano shirt. And 12 Pack, who is making a solid effort to bring back the zoot suit.

Toastee called up The Entertainer first. She gave him his check after insulting his intelligence several times. (Are they insults if they’re true?) Then Toastee called up 12 Pack. He gave her his word, but he gives his word to everyone. So, Hasta la vista, baby. And yes, that is from a movie.

And just like that, 12 Pack was gone. Heather was shocked. Megan was pleased. WhiteBoy was relieved.

Until next time my friends, have a Happy Super Skank Wednesday!