Any 30 Rock that features Steve Martin, jail breaks, and an exact replica…uh…”private funtime” doll should be enough to get you through to Friday. The only thing missing was a banjo.

We open with Liz and Jack attending a fancy dinner party at the Connecticut home of rich, agoraphobic, ex-businessman Gavin Volure (Steve Martin). Because he never leaves the house, he brings the world to him by inviting interesting people to eat with him (including John McEnroe representing the worlds of art collecting and yelling).

Before they leave, Gavin tells Jack about his new business deal and agrees to let Jack in on it. The pitch is comprised of three things: wind power, bandwidth, and the Chinese market. Because he’s kind of germaphobic too, he has his man-servant Karl kiss Liz on the hand and tell her he had a lovely time and would like to see her again. The next morning, Gavin calls Liz and asks her for a weekender date which she somewhat reluctantly agrees to.

The B plot involves Tracy being wigged out by his kids, Tracy Jr. and George Foreman, who are all of a sudden paying attention to him. Kenneth says it’s because they love him, Tracy believes they’re out to get him. Because of all the money coming in from the video games and assorted tie-ins (including Japanese sex dolls made in his likeness), Tracy comes to the natural conclusion that the kids are out to kill him.

Because of the agoraphobia and germaphobia, Gavin says a relationship with him will only consist of watching TV, eating, sitting around and reading internet gossip, and never having sex – exactly what she’s looking for. Except not because when Liz is leaving the next day, the other shoe drops. After locking Karl in a room, Gavin confesses that he is really under house arrest for tax evasion, fraud and arson. Karl’s a government agent. He makes a break for it and gets tackled on the lawn by another agent, yelling to Liz that he miscounted. Awesome.

Meanwhile, Jack convinces Kenneth to give him his $4,000 coffee can savings to invest…and unfortunately he invests it in Gavin’s business and they both lose their money. Jack goes to confront Gavin and finds out that he’s broke, the house is owned by the government which he shares with a couple other white collar criminals, and that the “investment” money was really used to fund his escape (most of it was spent on disguises). The famous company he ran was really a front, a dummy corp – the commercials never actually said what it did. Gavin spills a drink on himself, then goes to the bathroom while Jack follows and talks to him. Once the door is closed, some of the answers are weird so Jack breaks in and finds that Gavin has escaped.

At Tracy’s house, he uses only of his insanely life-like sex dolls as a decoy to trap his potentially murderous sons. Hiding in the closet in the middle of the night, one of them comes in to talk. Turns out the boys were just having nightmares about Tracy getting so rich that he’ll leave them. Touched, he steps out of the closet…and scares the crap out of the kid who starts hitting Tracy with the lamp from the nightstand. Finally calming him, Tracy assures his son that he’ll never leave the boys and the he loves them. He also adds that if anything happens to him, they’ll get nothing.

The next morning, Jack tries to repay Kenneth his $4,000. Kenneth sweetly and politely declines. Pete pops up and asks Kenneth to be in charge of safety for the floor (a job he’s been trying to get rid of since the beginning of the ep). Kenneth happily agrees and Jack says there’s a $4,000 bonus for it. Looking at Pete to verify, he says he remembers that new tidbit from the same meeting that gave him a driving per diem. Jack somewhat begrudgingly gives up twelve-cents per mile.

As Liz walks on to set, Gavin appears disguised as one of the set builders. It’s not a very good disguise. He tells her he’d been in Canada but had to come back for her. Jack arrives and confronts him, telling him that Liz is too good for him. Desperate, Gavin begins climbing up a ladder to the scaffolding 14 to 15 feet above ground and threatens to jump. Tracy appears and Kenneth runs in with his safety gear (a hardhat and a orange kit that seems to only contain water bottle and saltine crackers). Jack tries to talk Gavin down…but it doesn’t work. Just as he’s about to jump, Tracy appears and tackles him. Turns out the Tracy on the floor was his doll decoy.

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Why hasn’t Eleventh Hour been formally picked up for the full season yet? The networks have made their call on whether to pick up or cancel almost every freshman and sophomore series that only began this season with a 13-episode order. Fox picked up Fringe and Sarah Connor. NBC picked up Knight Rider, Life and Kath & Kim, will let Crusoe play out the string, and dispatched My Own Worst Enemy and Lipstick Jungle (supposedly, in the last case). The CW picked up 90210 and gave additional episodes, if not yet a full season, to Privileged. ABC hasn’t announced anything officially, but there are unconfirmed reports all over the web about the future, or lack thereof, for Eli Stone, Dirty Sexy Money, Pushing Daisies and Life On Mars. CBS whacked The Ex-List, picked up The Mentalist, and has ordered additional episodes of comedies Worst Week and Gary Unmarried. All of that leaves one show hanging in the balance, one show that nobody knows what’s happening with: our little show here, which as of this episode is officially past the halfway point on its initial 13-episode run.

Consistency is apparently overrated. From a ratings standpoint, Eleventh Hour may be the most consistent show on the air. Here are the total viewers, in millions, for each of the first six episodes: 11.4, 11.9, 11.8, 11.2, 10.9, 11.7. Not a whole lot of standard deviation going on there. Eleventh Hour has consistently proven, week after week, that it’ll be somewhere in the eleven million range. On any other network, that’d be a major hit – eleven million would be the top show on NBC outside of football and the #2 show on Fox outside of House. But CBS, far and away the strongest network in viewer totals this fall, is biding its time. CBS seems to be hoping for a spike one week, believing that Eleventh Hour has a week in it where it jumps to 13 or 14 million so that they can announce a pickup at that point. I don’t really see the point. Isn’t a loyal audience ideal? EH has proven that the same viewers are coming back week after week. I’d honestly rather have that than see the viewing totals read 11-11-11-14-12, which would mean you shed 15% of your audience from one week to the next. But for now, Eleventh Hour is stuck on 11 million, week after week, and it continues to be in limbo as a result.

(Ah, but wait, you say. You consider yourself an amateur TV ratings expert, and you know that raw aggregate viewer totals aren’t really what matters. Everybody has their own metric of choice: some people believe that the 18-49 demo is all that counts; some people believe that retention from the preceding show is what matters most of all; some people believe that what you really need to do is compare viewing totals to what aired on the network the year before. Feel free to discuss your favorite ratings angle in the comments.)

And now on to the episode itself. In a flawed episode, there were nonetheless some positive developments. But let’s start with the biggest flaw. One of the most important things that Eleventh Hour really needs to accomplish every week is to make it clear that even though each episode may feature a case of science going wrong, the show nevertheless comes from a pro-science viewpoint. That’s vital. If you can’t accomplish that, then there’s really no point to the show at all. Jacob Hood is unabashedly pro-science, and will constantly tell us of the possible benefits of even the craziest-sounding research, but he needs to be backed up by characters in each episode who come across in the same way. In short, even the bad guys need to have some semblance of good intentions.

That was done much less effectively in this episode than in some of the others thus far. The whole rationale of why chemically-altered super-soldiers might be a good thing is never very convincing here. By the time that Dr. Nesic is trying to justify his actions at the end, he’s saddled by the fact that he has come off as a crackpot for the first fifty-plus minutes of the episode. Even the more nefarious, murderous villains of previous episodes, like the coroner in last week’s episode or the brain surgeon a few weeks back, had more detailed and more legitimate motivations that we as an audience could buy into. But the motivation for why Dr. Nesic was secretly experimenting on Kevin Pierce was never made all that clear here. In turn, this episode feels like Bad Science, full stop, rather than Bad Science that came from good intentions.

On the other hand, if Bruce Nesic is comparatively less effectively detailed than previous episode baddies, Kevin Pierce is more effectively detailed as the unwitting victim of the week. Part of the formula of the show has turned out to be the fact that each episode offers an unwitting sap whose life is endangered by others’ actions. Pierce seemed to be a little bit better fleshed out than characters in a similar position in recent weeks, like Edward the cryogenics client last week or Ned the smallpox-afflicted construction worker the week before that.

Perhaps the most positive development in this week’s episode, though, is the fact that Hood and Young are clearly getting more comfortable with one another. That whole theme I had mentioned earlier in the series about how Jacob Hood is a really private guy who wasn’t at all comfortable opening up about himself is quickly dissipating. Hood is getting far more comfortable with Rachel, and now he’s happily spinning stories about his younger days and how he ended up with this job. There are two major benefits here, the first obviously being that this will allow for greater character development and give viewers more of a hook to keep interested in following these two from week to week. The ancillary benefit is that the more comfortable that Hood and Young get with one another, the more comfortable they are joking with one another and having a little harmless fun with each other. This week’s episode probably offered the greatest number of lighthearted bits of comedy between the two characters, which is very helpful in calming the mood of a thematically dark series.

As the episode begins, Hood and Young are summoned by Colonel Brooks, the head of DARPA (played by Patrick St. Esprit of the Sleeper Cell Alumni Society). DARPA is the scientific research wing of the Department of Defense (known to some of us by another name, Global Dynamics), and is most well-known for being, in Hood’s words, “the folks who really invented the internet.” Not that that’s necessarily always something to take pride in.

DARPA is working on a project to make better soldiers. They’ve worked for years and years on making the outside of the American soldier better: better weapons, better equipment, communications technology and strategic advantages and so on. This project is working on improving the inside of the soldier. In short, they’re working to chemically alter the mind of a soldier to be a better fighter.

There has been an incident at a lab in Nevada where research is being done on chimpanzees, and Hood is asked to investigate. But what he’s really being asked to do is investigate and clear a prized chimpanzee named Sacha, because if Sacha was really responsible for the violent attack on fellow chimps and a veterinarian at the lab, Sacha would have to be put down, and this chimp has had a whole lot of money and research poured into him as the leading test subject. When Hood and Young make their way to Nevada, they meet with the lead researcher, Dr. Nesic, who believes that somebody is trying to sabotage their research and blame Sacha for it. The initial suspect for who might have sabotaged the research is an animal rights activist who snuck onto the research team and was going to expose alleged animal abuse, but the activist, Rudy, is ultimately not the guy.

While Hood and Young are talking with Rudy, Dr. Nesic is dealing with a patient, USAF Sgt. Kevin Pierce. Nesic and Pierce are interacting under the ruse that this is just a side project of Nesic’s, working on medication to help with post-traumatic stress disorder. In reality, Nesic is secretly administering the same experimentation to Pierce that he was doing on Sacha and the chimps, despite telling everyone that the research was presently only limited to animals and had not yet moved on to the next phase.

Pierce has been having violent mood swings, and wants to stop the drug treatment he’s getting from Nesic, but Nesic talks him out of it. After the latest treatment – which involves sticking a giant needle into the back of his head – Pierce has another mood swing and goes AWOL from the Air Force base to visit his family, but soon demonstrates his newfound predisposition to violence with his wife.

Meanwhile, Sacha has also gone AWOL, which is even more problematic in that Sacha was locked up in a cage and it should be harder for him to escape. Sacha is found dead, along with a mangled animal control officer. But Hood and Young quickly deduce that this is another frame job, that Sacha is being blamed for attacking the animal control officer but really had been killed elsewhere. Hood takes Sacha’s body back to the lab for an autopsy, which prominently features him holding up the chimp’s brain for all of us to see. “Congratulations, Hood, you’ve got me staring at monkey brains,” Rachel notes. Hood determines that Sacha’s amygdala has been enlarged. Among other things, it’s the part of the brain that controls fight-or-flight reactions. Enlarging this part of the brain would give somebody an uncontrolled, instinctive impulse to fight when feeling threatened.

Knowing that Nesic is keeping secrets from them, Hood and Young sneak into his lab one night. They figure out that one of Nesic’s test subjects is no chimp, but a human, and they also quickly suss out that it’s probably the Air Force sergeant who just went AWOL after demonstrating some erratic behavior. Rachel and Jacob know that they need to find Pierce before he does something really dangerous. Fortunately, Pierce is lucid enough when he’s not dealing with immediate perceived threats to know that something is terribly wrong with him, so he has left his family out of the danger and gone into hiding. A couple of drug dealers have the ill fortune of finding his favorite spot of seclusion, though, and Pierce messes them up when they threaten him. Pierce then steals their truck and heads into town, breaking into a pharmacy to look for painkillers.

It’s here at the pharmacy that Rachel and Jacob track him down. Hood reminds Young that they have to appear nonthreatening, which means that Rachel shouldn’t be waving her gun around like she likes to do all the time. It doesn’t really work; Rachel tries a shouty approach anyway. Hood backs her away and calmly approaches Pierce to reason with him and talk him down, and it’s a success. Pierce, in turn, thanks Hood by handing over a copy of DVD surveillance of what really went down at Nesic’s lab originally. It was Pierce who smashed up the lab, trying to put a stop to what was being done to him, and we’re treated to an unfortunately comical scene of the super-human fighting a gaggle of angry super-chimps.

Pierce will be rehabilitated, while Nesic is going to go to jail, with his research career over. But first, Hood has to confront Nesic and try to figure out exactly what he was doing. Hood argues that Nesic was attempting to strip soldiers of their humanity by turning them into machines with no real decision-making or conscience, but Nesic beams that that is exactly what he wanted to do. “Sounds like a heroic advance to me,” he smiles. Oh, crazy talk. But even though Nesic is discredited, the research isn’t really ending with him. DARPA is just going to continue the process without him.

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It’s the Smallville event of the year: the much anticipated wedding of Chloe Sullivan and Jimmy Olsen. You are cordially invited to the Kent farm where love is in the air. With long lost friends and unexpected villains making cameo appearances, it’s more than worth the price of a dinette set from the registry.

These Spoilers never throw away good memories

What’s a wedding without home movies? It begins with Clark and Lois sending their greetings, Jimmy waiting for his beautiful bride, Clark escorting Chloe down the steps of the barn… pretty standard stuff so far. We cut to the kissing of the bride, where Jimmy kicks it up a notch by dipping her. It’s only when they begin to cut the cake that a rumbling comes from the roof. Leave it to a dark, shadowy, angry monster to crash the most anticipated wedding of the year.

Eight hours earlier, Lois runs around the Kent farm all manic in the last minute preparations of the wedding. Jimmy makes it known he’s only nervous of seeing Chloe before the ceremony. Superstitious often, Jimmy? He does offer one bit of useful help in offering best man Clark as her plus one. He feels it in his gut that this is the right thing to do. Lois puts up her “strong” front, yet can’t help but smile her goofy smile. It’s good to feel wanted.

Despite his best efforts, Jimmy does indeed run into a glowing Chloe putting on her garter belt. He simply cannot believe his luck here. Chloe takes a minute to list just some of the disasters they’ve weathered thus far in their courtship. Seeing her before the ceremony, she says, is the least of their problems. I can only imagine this conversation would have continued on if not for Davis calling. To keep the groom from stressing even more, she lies about who is really calling. That’s what good brides do.

In the Kent kitchen, Clark learns from Oliver that Lex is alive. There’s a wayward router out there that indicates emails have been sent, and if they can get their hands on that piece of equipment in time, they can track his location. Clark is up for the idea but wants to wait until after the wedding. Oliver seems incredulous to the idea of waiting one second more.

It seems the point is moot as Clark later whooshes to Oliver’s plane, router in hand. Clark says Oliver can’t be mad at Lex for the sins of Lionel. Of course, Oliver could care less as all he wants is the router. Again, Clark chooses to wait until after the wedding before he’ll help again. Lucky for Oliver, a guy appears from behind the curtain, saying he’s already downloaded information from the router during the lover’s quarrel.

I have to say, Allison Mack totally rocks the wedding dress. Lois makes her way to the loft, with Chloe thanking her for what she did to the barn. Davis plays the role of the jilted lover and calls for the 437th time. There are more pressing issues as Chloe needs to find her something borrowed. Clark arrives just in time for her to suggest his kryptonite. Wisely, he pulls the flower from the freshman dance long ago. Apparently, he never throws away good memories.

Meanwhile in Cuba, Green Arrow enters a textile mill when he shoots what he thinks is Lex. Turns out, it’s just a mannequin with a note saying “Sorry I missed you.” A concealed gal roars out of nowhere and knocks our hunk down. Holy crap, it’s Lana! It seems they’re both there to settle various scores. Even with all the information the router is providing, she’s not totally convinced Lex is alive. He offers to help her, but she’s less than thrilled at that concept. Oliver lets her know Chloe is getting married and even goes so far as to invite her to the wedding. Of course, Lana claims its “complicated,” but Oliver has a way of laying on quite the guilt trip!

Lois and Clark meet at the stairs with that look in their eyes. She helps Clark with his father’s cufflinks with that hopeful look in her eyes. He begins to read Jimmy’s backup vows, which only makes Lois even more emotional.

In stark contrast to the happenings on the Kent farm, we find Davis massively upset and bloody, calling Chloe yet again. He carries bags full of blood and God knows what else to a dumpster. A random rent-a-cop spots him and pulls his gun once he realizes what is going on. Davis begs the guy to walk away, but before he can, our favorite paramedic begins his transformation to the dark side… taking out the guard in the process.

Slow jazz plays as Clark and Chloe have their dance. She mentions that she’ll never forget all the things they’ve been through. Somehow, a weight has been lifted from her and that is what helped her to move on with the wedding. When Jimmy reclaims his bride, Clark makes his move on Lois. They dance, and awkward pauses allows for the two to move closer and closer… except who should arrive but Lana, the moment killer!

Lois wanders the porch, champagne bottle in hand when Oliver arrives. He offers to be the sympathetic ear. She’s having a lot of feelings and doesn’t know what they mean, having trouble sharing it with her ex of all people. Surprise surprise, the love bug has burrowed deeply into Lois, taking her by complete surprise.

Lana looks at an incoming text reading “Did the Archer believe you?” when Clark finds her. He hoped she would give him some heads-up of her arrival, but he also knows the wedding wasn’t in her original plans. Lana is proud of his mysterious blur actions. She says leaving Smallville was the hardest thing she’s ever done, but she’s glad she had the guts to do it. Clark reveals that he wiped Chloe’s mind.

Jimmy and Chloe are just beginning to cut the cake when it happens… lights flicker, mysterious thumping and everyone freaking the hell out. Out of nowhere, Doomsday busts in, immediately knocking Lana out. It barrels through the barn, destroying everyone and everything in its path. Clark tries to take is on and, of course, fails spectacularly, getting knocked all the way to the loft next to the open box of kryptonite. Jimmy tries to take it on and gets a massive chest wound as a consolation prize. Chloe rushes to his side but finds Doomsday taking aim at her. Lana saves Clark by returning the glowing rock to its box. Oliver shows up to reveal the “thing” took Chloe.

At the emergency room, Clark wanders the halls. He first finds Lana, who asks about Chloe. Oliver is using all his satellites in an effort to find the missing bride. Lois is just outside Jimmy’s room, saying he’s in bad shape, bad enough that the hospital is going to Medevac him to a Star City facility. She wonders why terrible things keep happening to them.

Let’s kick start the sappy montage of everyone in reflecting mode, all while Jimmy is being wheeled away. Doomsday is seen carrying an unconscious Chloe into the Fortress. Once she’s placed on the ice slab, she opens her Brainiac eyes and flashes that evil smile. We end with a body double that bears a striking resemblance to Lex, hooked up like Neo watching the wedding video!

Next time on Smallville: new heroes, new enemies, new legends… coming January 15th! In the meantime, Happy Holidays and we’ll see you in 2009.

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The Grey’s Anatomy Meredith Grey Voiceover this week is about adult monsters: self-doubt, regret, etc. It leads us into Denny and Izzie getting to do something they never got to do in real life. And the clothes come off! Bomp-chicka-wah-wah.

Christina arrives at the hospital to wait for a trauma coming in and Dr. Hunt tries to engage her in conversation. He’s nervous as a schoolboy.

Sadie finds Meredith reading her mother’s journals, saying if she weren’t Ellis Grey’s daughter, she probably would’ve liked her because she was funny, intense and a lot like Christina. Out in the hall, everyone hears Izzie moaning in ecstasy and Alex knocks on the door. She begs off, saying she’s sick with the flu.

Seattle Grace. Meredith, Christina, George and Alex all jump at the appendectomy. Bailey sends George with Hunt and a trauma victim, Alex off with another doctor, and tells Mere and Christina to jump in on the surgery. Down in the basement, the interns are practicing on each other some more. This time it involves an epideral and the Crazy-Ass Interns decide they should do an appendectomy themselves. Sadie and Lexie are spearheading this jaunt into Crazyville, with Sadie volunteering to be the patient.

The trauma victim suddenly wakes up and starts yelling about saving his daughter Ivy. He thrashes about and finally ends up hitting Callie so hard that she flies back from the table and crashes to the floor with a bloody nose and loses consciousness.

Alex’s stomach pain patient. She looks familiar and OHMYGODITSWILLBAILEYILOVEHIM! Sorry, I am just a big Joshua Malina fan and I’m STILL not over the West Wing being off the air. When John Spencer died, I cried like I was related to him. Ahem. Anyway. Malina is playing Seth, the husband of the stomach pain woman. She thinks it’s stomach cancer because of what she read on the internet. Yes, self-diagnosis is always the way to go.

Sloan works on Callie’s broken nose. I like these two together, I was sad they briefly turned her into a lesbian. Callie is in quite the place of self-pity and asks Sloan if he’ll still be her friend and have sex with her whenever she wants. Awesome. I need one of those. And if he looks like McSteamy… all the better.

Trauma victim is informed that he was having a bad dream and jumped out a window. He’s on drugs for his episodes that started a few years ago when his wife passed away, but he says he must’ve forgotten the latest one. His daughter looks haunted.

Derek comes upon Sloan and Lil Grey in the medical supply closet (both getting medical supplies. Not a euphemism.) and Eric Dane’s delivery is priceless. “I needed some medical supplies and found the intern in the supply closet. I did not invite the intern into the supply closet.”

Interns OR of Crazy. Sadie is numbed up and ready for her appendectomy. Lexie is wielding the scapel and I cannot wait until she kills her sister’s BFF from med school. That oughta add some much-needed drama to the lives of the Sisters Grey. Lexie balks at the surgery, so Sadie the BadAss (we get it!) grabs the scapel and opens herself up so that they have to do the surgery.

The interns comment that her appendix looks inflamed and one nervous intern says that they need to call a resident because this surgery is no longer routine if the appendix is inflamed. Nervous Intern leaves.

Sloan talks to trauma victim’s daughter. She blames herself for not being able to talk him back into bed. He’s worried about her not sleeping and she says she’s fine, with circles under her eyes the size of saucers.

Will Bailey and his wife. Alex informs her that by self-treating with antibiotics, she’s killed her healthy bacteria and now they have to give her a fecal transplant. They want her husband to poop into a bowl so that they can feed it to her via a tube. Oh wow.

Mere and Christina come upon Nervous Intern and wonder where have all the interns gone? Aw, just like Paula Cole used to sing! Alex wanders up and Mere remembers Sadie said something about the skills lab. Christina heads off to the skills lab and Epideral Intern is sitting there in bed. He still can’t get up due to the drugs and has to ashamedly admit to Christina what they did. Meanwhile, Lexie has sought out Meredith for help with Sadie.

Bedroom of Tumors and Delusions and Sex. Izzie cuddles with Denny, convinced this is like that moment in the morning between sleeping and waking, so she’s just going to lie there with her eyes closed. All the Izzie/Denny scenes have thus far been accompanied by ominous rumbles of thunder and crashes of lightning. I enjoy that.

OR of Craziness. Mere and Christina jump into the surgery and instruct the interns to get Bailey and the Chief. They manage not to throttle the interns.

Poop Girl. She won’t admit to her husband that all her self-diagnoses are wrong. She genuinely believes that there are scary things that could happen to her and she doesn’t understand how her husband doesn’t understand.

Trauma victim. The doctors believe it could be epilepsy, asking Ivy how often he sleepwalks. She confesses that he took his meds like usual and still woke up screaming like always. She tearfully says she tried to stay up so she could talk him back into bed. He takes such good care of her during the day, she thinks the least she can do is take care of him at night. Awww, what a good little good (and actress). But the sleepwalking is caused by epilepsy, not the stress of raising a 13 year-old daughter.

House of the Rising Delusions. Izzie wakes to find Denny gone and when he comes out of the bathroom, she flips out on him because when he died he left her all alone and now she’s probably going crazy. She screams about blaming herself for his death because she convinced him to cut the LVAD wire. I hate this storyline, but I like Katherine Heigl, I must say. Denny says he loves her.

Bailey joins the appendectomy, which now means Sadie will be fine because Bailey is a kick-ass awesome hero lady. She immediately starts instructing Christina and Meredith, ever the consummate teacher. I heart Bailey so much. Lexie hangs her head in shame and relief.

Interns. George cannot believe Lexie would do that without him and she says that for once she did soemthing that didn’t involve getting him to notice her. After she walks away, Nervous Intern cannot believe George didn’t know Lexie was in love him. But we all know George DID know and just pretends that he didn’t.

Crazy House. Izzie gets a 911 page and has to leave. She is scared Denny is going back to Heaven or wherever he goes, now that she’s had her night of closure. He reassures her that he isn’t going anywhere. Hmmm.

Trauma victim surgery. The male surgeons have a thin-veiled conversation about not being able to talk to someone in their lives. George/Lexie and Hunt/Christina, obviously. Sloan talks to the daughter, sympathizing in not being able to sleep because you don’t feel safe in your own house. He takes her coffee cup and says she needs to sleep, patting his shoulder. She leans over and it’s very cute.

The Chief’s office. Mere and Christina are lauded for handling the crisis, performing the surgery, and calling for help immediately instead of hiding it. Lexie bursts in and tries to keep them from getting in trouble, blurting out that Christina tried to stop them YESTERDAY. The Chief is furious that Christina knew for a whole day, though it was just sutures and not an appendectomy.

Christina and Meredith have it out in an empty room. Christina cannot believe Meredith didn’t defend her in there, saying Meredith has a relationship with the Chief and she stood by and did nothing for Christina while he basically took her out of the running for solo surgery.

Bailey tells her group of interns (Christina, Mere, George, Alex and I’m assuming Izzie, if she can drag herself away from the sex ghost) have to talk to the interns themselves. They make the interns present Sadie as a patient like they do on rounds. Meredith puts every intern on probation from this day forward and they won’t see the inside of the OR until further notice.

Alex says they have lost his respect and one snotty intern points out that he still respects Izzie Stevens. Alex shoves him up against the wall (yeah, Iowa wrestler!) and tells him saving a man’s life and cutting up your friend for fun are two ENTIRELY different things. Izzie has, of course, arrived and overhears Alex defending her.

Bailey checks on Callie, all drugged up and in a nose brace. Callie cannot believe what the interns did, but Bailey sympathizes with being so excited about surgery and wanting to operate so badly. She’s sad that surgery doesn’t excite her that way anymore. Callie and Bailey commiserate over being exhausted and wanting more. Nice scene by those actresses.

Meredith Grey Voiceover time. Sloan lays Ivy down in a bed, Meredith checks on Sadie and reams her out, Sloan tells Derek that Lexie is all alone and needs a family, so either Derek brings her home or Sloan will, and Christina finds Hunt sitting on her doorstep. He’s so awkward it’s adorable. They sit on the stoop and he tells her she’s beautiful. Awww. My heart just grew 3 sizes.

Meredith comes home to find Lexie in the kitchen. Derek tells her they’ve taken her in as a stray too. Alex and Izzie come home and she confesses that she’s a mess right now and that he deserves better. He tells her that if this is too much for her, she can break up with him but that he isn’t going anywhere because he can handle the mess. From a nearby doorway, Denny looks sad and Izzie tells him she’s sorry. He says he’ll still be right here for her.

Okay, guys. This Denny ghost thing is so freaking weird. Are they going to give Heigl a brain tumor and kill her off? I mean, that would certainly garner some ratings for February sweeps and probably provide some amazing scenes for Heigl and Justin Chambers. But I just find this so weird. Also, I always liked Alex and Izzie, ever since the show started. I’d like to see the writers get past this Denny thing and keep Alex and Izzie together. One of my favorite images of the entire show is still him picking her up in his arms in her beautiful pink dress and cradling her while she cries over Denny. They’re great together.

If Sloan sleeps with Lexie… ew.

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Attention, Lipstick Jungle fans! It seems there’s life in this little show after all, as it was reported that rumors of the show’s cancelation were premature. If this news turns out to be correct, that’s a good thing for viewers considering this episode was all about setting up future storylines.

The show starts off with a cute, funny scene of our three favorite ladies preparing for their annual Thanksgiving dinner. Wendy is in charge this year and she’s all about going green (which conveniently ties into Universal’s Green Week) which involves them having a locovore Thanksgiving by using ingredients found within 100 miles of New York City in order to reduce their carbon footprint. I hope someone makes those little fried onion things within 100 miles of the city, because no true American Thanksgiving is complete without a little green bean casserole. It’s vegetables! But still totally bad for you! Nothing is more American than that. Nico jokes about making the turkey this year just to drive Wendy, who has gone a bit over the deep end planning the dinner, insane. For her part, Victory wants to pass on Thanksgiving this year because she’s still very upset about Joe and wants to sit at home and wallow by herself instead. Victory, honey. The best way to wallow is to eat a ton of food, drink a ton of wine and go into a food coma. Thanksgiving is the perfect wallowing holiday, in fact, because if you fall asleep on the couch (from too much wine) you can just blame it on the turkey.

Victory is supposed to be making desserts for the big day, but get sidetracked when a new client shows up at her apartment asking Victory to design a wedding dress for his dancer bride. The catch? He was referred by Dahlia, so you know something isn’t quite right about the situation. She still meets with him and agrees to get him some sketches by next week. He insists, however, that they have the sketches by this Saturday because the wedding is a bit of a rush job. Victory hesitates because she will have to miss Wendy’s Thanksgiving dinner…but in the end decides making a dress is light years better than dealing with Wendy the crazy Thanksgiving Nazi. Victory is hard at work on a gorgeous dress when Dahlia shows up with James Skylar’s fiance in tow, and said fiance isn’t exactly what Victory expected because she’s plus sized. Oh, this is very offensive. How dare a plus sized woman want a pretty strapless dress? Shut up, Lipstick Jungle. You see what happened was Victory assumed that because the woman was a dancer she was skinny. Sigh. To her credit, Victory does a quick and sincere 180 and immediately pulls out a more appropriate sketch which the fiance loves. You’re half forgiven, show. After the client leaves, Victory calls Dahlia out on trying to sabotage her again but Dahlia makes nice and then makes herself comfortable at Victory’s for the day. Interesting. Victory finishes the dress and the bride is less than enthused about herself in the final product because she has severe body issues. Victory and Dahlia give her a pep talk and their magic words make the big girl happy! Okay, I’m back to being offended by this story. Why couldn’t the plus size girl be happy with her body already? SIGH. Dahlia compliments Victory on how she handled the situation and it seems like everything is back on track with them again. They decide to go to Wendy’s party after all and show up right at the end with tres leches cake and coconut rum drinks in tow. This show is making me hungry.

Nico and Kirby’s opening scene features them doing what they do best: having hot sex. Their blissful day together is interrupted by Megan, who shows up at Nico’s door with little Charles, Jr. in tow, freaking out because she is planning on finally telling her parents about little Charlie on Thanksgiving and she wants Nico and Kirby to watch him while she is away. Wow. Megan has some issues, huh? Nico doesn’t want to do it, but Kirby encourages her to cut Megan some slack. They decide to give it a go and surprise, surprise, the baby is fussy and they don’t know what to do! I’ve never seen that story on TV before! It turns out, though, that Kirby is great with kids, a quality which Nico notes from afar, and Nico picks it up quickly herself. On Thanksgiving day Megan completely ditches them by not calling when she said she would and Kirby gets on Nico’s case for not calling the authorities. Nico finally gets in touch with Megan, who tells her she’s not coming back and calls Nico a “better mother than she could ever be.” When Kirby inquires about the call, Nico lies and says it was work related. Later she confides to Wendy that she wants to keep Charlie if Megan can’t take care of him. Kirby calls her out on her interest in Charlie and she confesses everything to him, and to say he takes the news well would be, well, a lie. His objection isn’t to Charlie per se, but to the fact that he’s already caused Nico to be dishonest.

As mentioned previously, Wendy is busy preparing for Thanksgiving dinner in that crazy way type A personalities can get when they’re in charge of big events. The reason she is so crazy perhaps? Her uber-critical mother (played by Mary Tyler Moore) is attending. MTM immediately rubs me the wrong way by calling the farmer’s market “hippie” and saying “you can keep organic, I’ll take hygenic.” How are added hormones and pesticides hygenic? Whatever, MTM. Right when Wendy’s mother arrives, Shane’s new manager Josie calls upset because her dog is very sick and Shane decides to invite her to Thanksgiving dinner to cheer her up. When dinner starts, the motley crew starts arriving and it’s obvious this dinner isn’t going to be nearly as gaffe-free as Wendy wanted. Josie shows up a total mess because her dog just died in her apartment, causing Shane to offer to leave and help her take care of the situation. Shane can’t find anyone to pick up a dead dog on Thanksgiving, and things get uncomfortable when he accidentally catches a glimpse of Josie changing her shirt. I knew they were going to go there. Wendy calls Josie’s place looking for Shane and lays down the law, saying he needs to be there by dinnertime. Wendy has a heart-to-heart with her mother about her own father’s cheating, which definitely makes me believe they’re going to go there with Shane and Josie. Don’t do it, show! Please! Shane finally decides to take care of matters himself and they bury the dog in Central Park (I think) so of course they get caught and arrested by the cops. He makes it back to the dinner, albeit late, and drops the bomb to Wendy that he wants another baby. Hmm. Could he be overreacting to his sexual attraction to Josie, perhaps?

Here’s a bit of reinforcement that those rumors weren’t true: Lipstick Jungle is back in two weeks with an all new episode at an all new time, Friday at 9/8 Central. How many time slots are they going to give these ladies, anyway? Everyone who has a DVR, set it to record the show! And if you’re a Nielsen viewer, you know what to do.

See you in two weeks, and have a great Thanksgiving.

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Previously on Ghost Whisperer, Jim was shot and killed but refused to cross over, instead inhabiting the body of an accident victim named Sam but having no memory of Melinda.

We join Melinda sitting by Jim’s bedside in the hospital. When he awakens, he still doesn’t know who she is. Eli plays Exposition Fairy, telling Delia that Sam just moved to town so he doesn’t have any friends and she’s telling people that she hired Sam to remodel her garage. Eli further informs Delia that Melinda thinks Jim “stepped in” to Sam’s body and that she’ll tell him the whole story once he remembers who she is.

When Jim looks in the mirror, he sees Sam’s face and so does everybody around him, except sometimes Melinda sees Jim instead of Sam. How Quantum Leapy of them. As Melinda leaves the hospital, she sees the figure of a surly man in a suit. The next day, Melinda meets Jordan, a person Sam was supposed to meet. Turns out Jordan is a woman, who was so worried when Sam didn’t come home last night. As Sam Beckett would say… “Oh boy.”

Jordan tells Melinda that she’s Sam’s sister. Phew! Melinda takes Jordan to the hospital to see Sam. As Sam speaks with Melinda and Eli, we get a ghost-point-of-view shot of them and then the surly suit man tells them Sam will never remember Jordan.

Melinda’s House. Creepy suit guy comes into her bedroom, telling her that she and Jim are both thieves. The next day, she goes to Sam’s house because he was discharged. His parents are taking him back to their house, 800 miles away.

Eli does some research and says the creepy suit ghost was the driver who caused Sam’s accident and was killed on the scene. Melinda says that Alan knows they are thieves because he saw what Jim did to Sam’s body. Eli tells her that this “stepping in” phenomenon is usually permanent but that past life memories tend to be lost.

Sam wakes up in his house, listening to his parents and sister yell at each other. He wants to know how old he is and his parents are obviously hell-bent on taking him home and making him their “little boy” again. Sam gets dressed and sneaks out the window.

Melinda’s store. Sam shows up and and wants to spend time with Melinda because she’s the only person he knows who isn’t desperate for him to remember her. Ouch. They head out to eat sandwiches and Melinda remembers a picnic she went on with Jim. She and Sam talk about his family fighting and he thinks maybe the amnesia is a fresh start for him.

That night, she is haunted by Alan the creepy guy again. He accuses Jim of stealing that family’s chance to grieve and now they’ll never know that Sam is dead. Alan now knows his purpose is to make sure that Sam’s family knows the truth and he shatters her bedroom windows in her face.

The next day, Sam comes to Melinda’s house and he helps her clean up and repair the windows. He says he doesn’t remember much about architecture and therefore has no job and no income, so she offers to let him stay in her garage while he fixes it up. Later, his parents storm into her store, demanding that she back off and yelling that he’s coming home with them. Isn’t this guy like 30? Those parents are the ones who need to back off.

That night at his apartment, Sam picks up his guitar but cannot remember how to play. Alan the creepy ghost is there and draws Sam’s attention to an article in the paper about Jim’s shooting death. Sam realizes that Melinda is Jim’s widow.

He goes to see Melinda the next day, asking for honesty from her. He wonders what else is up with her besides being one of his “clients.” He wants to know why she didn’t confide in him about Jim’s death. She decides to tell Sam the whole story about Jim, but he jokes about her thinking he’s her dead husband reincarnated and she backs down.

That night, Sam and Jordan pack up his things at his apartment. HIs parents crash and he tells them he’s staying there and working for Melinda. He tells them he needs to be on his own to figure things out, but he says Jordan should head home to be with their parents.

Melinda’s store. She’s upset because she couldn’t tell Jim the truth because Sam doubted her. Delia tells her that she’s just going through the stages of grief, which Melinda takes umbrage to. Delia tells Melinda that this time is different from her usual ghost whisperings because this time she isn’t helping anyone. Melinda insists that Jim took a chance to stay with her and that is what love is. Delia wonders if she has to check her common sense at the door in order for them to be friends and both women start crying. Delia storms out. Nice work by both actresses.

At home, Sam is waiting for Melinda on the porch. He tells her that it’s weird for him to move in and it’s also weird how he feels when they’re together. He confesses to her that he’s starting to think they were having an affair, which is making him not want his memory back because he doesn’t want to be the person who would do that. She reassures him that they were not having an affair and he says being around her makes him crazy. Melinda says she can’t tell him the truth, but says that if she feels like a friend to him (he says, “At least”) that he has to trust her. He says it’s better off if he just goes away. Melinda cries, as creepy Alan urges her to tell him the truth.

Melinda tells his parents that Sam is gone and she urges them not to blow it now, not to hold on to their children so tightly that they lose them. Creepy Alan smiles in the background.

Delia tries to show up at Ned’s shooting clinic and she calls Ned. He confesses that it was just him and Jim, there was no clinic. Suddenly, Sam is there on the courts. He tells Delia that he has no idea what he’s doing there. He says he was driving out of town and then suddenly felt like he had to be at the basketball courts. He was hoping someone would recognize him. Delia says, “It’s really you” and I tear up a little. Damn this show. It always makes me cry.

Melinda’s house. Delia bursts in and says Sam is outside and she has to figure out what to say to him to get him to stay. Delia says, “He was waiting for Ned… and I finally understood that I was wrong.” Sniffle sniffle! Oh my god, this show. In sending her outside, Delia whips off Melinda’s sweatshirt, claiming it “had a stain on it” and leaving Melinda in a camisole. Snerk.

Outside, they agree to take babysteps in helping him remember. They move his stuff into the garage, with Delia’s help. He tells Melinda that his parents called his sister and apologized and that she went back home with them. He knows she changed their minds and she coyly says, “I have a few talents.” Creepy Alan is there and he says to her, “It’s a good thing you didn’t listen to me.” He says he was wrong. He wanted the family to have closure, but she held out for more. She gave them their family back. Awww. Alan goes into the light.

I have to say, I wasn’t sure how they were going to handle Jim’s death. I figured it for a Show Killer. But honestly? This is a way to keep the Jim/Melinda relationship while spicing it up and keeping it from getting stale. I approve. Well done, Ghost Whisperer.

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Summary

• Airs Next: Nickelodeon at Sunday 8:00 PM (30 min.)
  
• Status: Ended
  
• Premiered: January 9, 2005
  
• Last Aired: May 2, 2008
  
• Show Categories: Comedy, Children
  

Pacific Coast Academy, an all boys boarding school is accepting female students for the first time since the school was established. Zoey’s (Jamie Lynn Spears) little brother Dustin (Paul Butcher) is currently a student there. Zoey decides to be one of the first girls to become a student at PCA. This is very exciting, but also very scary. Fitting in at a new school is hard enough, but going away to boarding school and living on your own at age 13 can get crazy, especially when the girls are heavily outnumbered by the boys… Follow Me- Theme Song of Zoey 101

Are you ready?

I know you see me standing here
Do I look good my dear?
Do I look good today?

Today, Today

I’m just another kind of girl,
and you want to see my world
So come and ride away

If you wanna play
Come and play today
Let’s just get away (yeah)
I will make you see
All of the things that you can be
Believe in yourself and follow me

Yeah yeah
Sung by Jamie Lynn Spears and Co-Written by Britney Spears

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Summary

• Originally on: BBC-1
  
• Status: Ended
  
• Premiered: November 9, 1982
  
• Last Aired: June 19, 1984
  
• Show Categories: Comedy
  

The show involves four lunatic students who live in a flat. There was Rik, the OTT one, Vyvian who was always the experimental scientific one, Neil, the worried hippy, and Mike, the ladies man.

Each episode usually featured a performance by a band. Each band’s name is listed with the guest stars.

Most episodes run near 35 min. Repeats in the UK have been edited to 30 min. Several scenes were censored from the MTV airings in the mid-1980s.

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Summary

• Airs Next: WB at Wednesday 8:00 PM (60 min.)
  
• Status: Ended
  
• Premiered: July 12, 2000
  
• Last Aired: September 7, 2000
  
• Show Categories: Drama, Soap
  

Created by “Dawson’s Creek’s” Steven Antin, “Young Americans” was a fresh summer hit show and also a spin-off of “Dawson’s Creek.” Will Krudski starts school at Rawley Academy and tries to catch up with the fact that he’s out of his element. His roomate, Scott Calhoun, longs for Bella Banks, a local girl that Will has known his entire childhood.

Hamilton Fleming is edgy and alternative, while his outside status attracts friendship of Jacqueline Pratt.

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Summary

• Airs Next: CBS at Wednesday 8:30 PM (30 min.)
  
• Status: Ended
  
• Premiered: October 2, 2000
  
• Last Aired: February 15, 2006
  
• Show Categories: Comedy
  

Yes, Dear is a comedy about two young couples and their outrageously contrasting views on parenting. First-time parents, Greg and Kim Warner struggle on a daily basis to become perfect at the job. Kim (Jean Louisa Kelly) is a neurotic, stay-at-home mother, and although her husband, Greg (Anthony Clark), is a success in his career, his more difficult job is keeping his wife calm as they raise their year-old son, Sam. While Kim is determined to be the perfect mother and perfect wife and to raise the perfect son, her sister, Christine Hughes (Liza Snyder), a very down-to-earth mother of two [Dominic and Logan], continually reminds her that life will never be perfect. Christine’s husband, Jimmy (Mike O’Malley), is unemployed and unconcerned and feels compelled to share with his brother-in-law his philosophy about being a husband and a parent while still remaining a man.
(CBS press release)

“(1, 2, 3)
You got a wife and kid in love with you (Yes, dear)
You traded golf and poker for the zoo (Yes, dear)
And you live your life the best you can (Yes, dear)
‘Till your family screws up the plan (Yes, dear)
But family is family is family (Yes, dear)
Family is family is family – yes, dear (Yes, dear – Yes, dear)”

Theme song
“Yes, Dear (Main Title Theme)” (seasons 1-3 on CBS; all seasons in syndication)
written by Rick Marotta

“Family Is Family” (season 4+ on CBS and TBS)
written and performed by Bill Janovitz

Yes, Dear is produced by Amigos de Garcia Productions /
Cherry Tree Entertainment / CBS Productions, in association with 20th Century Fox Television

Broadcast History
—————–

Oct 2000-Aug 2001, Mon 8:30-9:00
Aug 2001, Mon 9:30-10:00
Sep 2001-Dec 2001, Mon 8:30-9:00
Dec 2001, Mon 9:30-10:00
Dec 2001-Mar 2002, Mon 8:30-9:00
Mar 2002, Mon 9:30-10:00
Apr 2002, Mon 8:00-8:30
Apr 2002-Jun 2003, Mon 8:30-9:00
Jun 2003-Dec 2003, Mon 8:00-8:30
Dec 2003, Mon 8:30-9:00
Jan 2004-Jun 2004, Mon 8:00-8:30
Jun 2004-Sep 2004, Mon 8:30-9:00
Feb 2005-Apr 2005, Wed 9:30-10:00
Apr 2005, Mon 8:00-8:30
May 2005-Jul 2005, Wed 9:30-10:00
Aug 2005-present, Wed 8:30-9:00

Special Presentations
—————–

Oct 2001, Fri 8:00-8:30
Dec 2001, Fri 8:00-8:30
Dec 2002, Sun 8:30-9:00
Jun 2003, Fri 8:30-9:00
Mar 2004, Wed 9:30-10:00
Apr 2004, Wed 9:30-10:00
Jun 2005, Mon 8:30-9:00

First telecast: October 2, 2000
Show type: Multi-Camera Sitcom
Number of episodes: 131+
Media: 35mm film/24p Tape

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